She Used to Be Mine

Who’ll be reckless, just enough
Who’ll get hurt, but who learns how to toughen up
When she’s bruised and gets used by a man who can’t love
And then she’ll get stuck
And be scared of the life that’s inside her
Growing stronger each day ’til it finally reminds her
To fight just a little, to bring back the fire in her eyes
That’s been gone, but used to be mine
Used to be mine

Sometimes a song is exactly what you need, when you need.  When I saw the Facebook update that my favorite singer (Sara Bareilles) was going be part of an all female-creative team (a first for Broadway) to bring songs to my favorite movie (Waitress), I put the soundtrack onto my Amazon wishlist immediately and set up a Google alert for “Waitress + musical + Portland.”  When the first song finally hit cyberspace months later, I listened over and over again, often while staring into my own mirror and wondering who I was, who I had been, and who I was becoming.  The song came out at the beginning of a challenging season in my life, one that I would say is now calmed but definitely not resolved.  When the soundtrack finally came out, it was on repeat in my car for over a month as different songs hit just the needs I was having.

• A Soft Place to Land – the need for having someone or somewhere safe to be real
• Bad Idea – sometimes bad life choices have to be made
• I Didn’t Plan It – and then those choices have to be owned and rocked
• I Love You Like a Table – the awkward potential of true love
• You Matter to Me – to be known and accepted is freaking everything

While the songs played in the car, I got to read through the inspiration for these and other songs through Sara’s book.  In a happy accident, I was in downtown Portland the same day as her book signing at Powells.  I totally fangirled.

Its been about three years since it was announced that this musical would be coming to Broadway.  And two years and one day since that first Broadway show.  I have watched the video and listened to the song dozens of times since then (heck, even a few times this morning).  I am so excited that this fall, as my graduation present from me to me, I’ll be hearing it live in Portland.

Sometimes a song is exactly what you need, when you need.

#52sparks is my year-long writing series based on an art prompt challenge.  The title is inspired by a quote from Star Wars: The Last Jedi: “We are the spark, that will light the fire that’ll burn the First Order down” (Poe Dameron).  The spark that lights a fire to toast a marshmallow or to ravage a forest begins in the space of an inch.  So just imagine what hundreds of inches and words can do.