The purpose of this blog is all about planning for the future, and then hopefully recording some of the adventures to that future.  Yet tonight I want to write not about something I’m going to do but rather something I’m going to avoid and feel I need to record that plan officially.  I, Meg, being of over-thinking mind and sore body, am not going to see a trainer ever again at my gym.

I’m a member at 24-Fitness.  Every few months they offer a deal where if you do twice in that month you get either a free month membership for a friend or one free personal training session.  For the past year I’ve been pretty consistent in my gym visits, usually six times a week, so hitting the two minimum is pretty easy and I enjoy the idea of a prize.  I’ve now had three free training sessions and each time I’ve walked away discouraged and feeling overwhelmed by how much of my life I need to change.  Take this Friday for example…I met with Sara at 10am and after the fun paperwork she asked me about my exercise and nutrition habits.  Now I admit that my eating habits need work, since chai is not a food group, but I’ve cut out most desserts, junk food, and am generally making much better choices.  And in the area of exercise I rock compared to two years ago when going up the one flight of stairs at work left me a bit winded (let alone the climb that is Egtvedt to third floor A.F. Gray).  But there is no “Good Job” or “Wow” in this conversation, even after I smilingly share how much weight I’ve lost or the goals I’ve accomplished.  Nope, its straight to here is how I need to turn my diet upside down and need to cut back on the cardio (which I enjoy) to half while adding in weights (which I find boring and testosterone dominated).  We spend the next 40 minutes going through weights exercises, which I’m still feeling 36 hours later, and then back to the desk where she labels everything I have been doing “BAD” and the plan she has set out for me, including six meals a day always with meat and/or veggies, as “GOOD”. And of course the ultimate good would be to purchase more personal training sessions, you know if I’m really serious about fitness.

The rest of Friday was spent wandering in between guilt and anger as I considered how much I’ve already given up and learned to rebalance in pursuit of the 30 minute 5K and medium size clothes.  It was this evening though, after an hour on the elliptical and 20 minutes on the treadmill (a “BAD” workout according to Sara) that I finally had a break through.  Maybe my way won’t get me to 150 pounds by October 2011, but Sara’s way will make me doubt every choice and come to hate my new home away from home away from home away from home (that series wasn’t a typo, it’s just that work and Starbucks have to come before gym time; I am still in Hebrew after all).  So I choose to take the “BAD” route that has served me pretty well so far and stick with the fun of jogging and chinese take-out (with maybe a few more veggies).

And the next time that coupon comes in the mail, I’ll turn it into a lovely airplane to float on over to the weights side of the gym where all the “GOOD” boys and girls are.

A little over a year ago I had a “Come to Jesus” moment with the scale when I finally admitted how far my health had fallen and how high my weight had soared.  So did what hundreds of Americans do every New Years Day, just a few weeks late: I joined a gym.  And then I actually went. = )

The goal from the beginning was all about weight loss, with the idea that there would be side benefits such as self-confidence, nicer clothes, the ability to sit in roller coaster seats, and less fear about so many social situations.  The completely unexpected effect was that after a few months, it actually became a normal part of my life and something I choose to schedule other commitments around.  But being a perfectionist at times, I needed something to shoot for other than the numbers on the scale which just don’t change as often as I want them to, so I started entering some races over the summer.  I had no expectations I would win, but I wanted to finish.  And then I wanted to finish by jogging the whole thing.  And now I want to run.

In two weeks I’ll be taking part in my first 5K of 2011: The Shamrock Run.  My goal for this run will be 35 minutes, or about 11 minute miles.  I hope, by the end of the season in December, to be closer to my 30 minute goal.

So why is this history lesson in a blog all about the future?  Because running is a part of my future, though the me of a year ago would have never imagined it.  This summer I am scheduled for three 5Ks, 2 10Ks, 1 quarter marathon, and 1 half marathon (with hopes of another one if I get randomly selected in the ballot this Friday).  And I’m hoping to sign up for another three or four in the fall.  But the big goal will be the Portland Marathon in October 2012.  For a run like that, to do it well, I’ll need to train and maybe even join one of the Saturday morning running groups to make sure I can run it and not just hop into the nearest taxi.  So that is an August 2011 goal: to start preparing for a marathon.

(The memory I have of my 6th grade self just dropped her jaw to the floor so hard it bounced. )